I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
