"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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