a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
