Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
