what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
