Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you would pick up someone in the library
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's shark week go big or go home
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
