looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize