Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
