oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
