He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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