Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
