I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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