when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
