just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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