i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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