we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
