My friends, they love my intelligence
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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