i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
