Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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