just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
