Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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