Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
