Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
