party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
