I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
