Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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