I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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