ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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