Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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