How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
