Do vagina's smell?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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