one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
