I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
