we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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