Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
