i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
