she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
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who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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