Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
