And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
