So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
