Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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