he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
