WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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