My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
