i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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