sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Girls should come with a carfax report
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
