you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
