Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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