We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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