I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize