I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
