Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
