I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
