carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
