I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
