I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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