Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
