How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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