I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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