why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
