Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
