I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
