How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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