I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
