I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize