Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
