Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
