Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
