im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
