K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
